Grief
by RunXRun
Summary: How Thor handles Loki's fall.
1. Chapter 0

AN: This was a story I had previously submitted, but I revised and changed a few things. This was previously known as "The Seven Stages of Grief".

* * *

Death was never something Thor paid much attention to, and being a warrior it was for the best. Those he killed deserved it and those he watched die deserved it; that was all there was to it. Thor knew that the families he helped destroy would be hurt, but he knew they would get over it because he was doing them a favour - removing the disgusting creature their loved one was would be considered a blessing surely. No one questioned Thor and they never doubted him either, for he protected them and he deserved their respect. It was Thor's life. Kill, bask in their love, pride, tales of adventures, repeat. It was pleasant and it was beautiful.

But death is never that simple, and somewhere Thor knew that. Being on the Bifrost with his baby brother, grasping his hand and staring into his eyes, Thor couldn't help but think of all the others that had watched him kill people they loved, people they knew. He couldn't help think about the look in the eyes of his victims, and his mind whirled noisily in his skull.

Thor didn't remember much after Loki let go. He remembered screaming no, but after that nothing really made sense, and it didn't make sense for a very long time.


	2. Chapter 1

Thor knew everyone was coping with the loss in their own way. His father, Odin, didn't speak of it and would silence anyone who dared speak the fallen's name in front of him. Frigga cried for many nights, and Thor ... Thor would still go into his brother's room to tell him something only to find the room empty and cold.

He knew some days were better than others. He knew that he could go days without the realisation that his brother was never coming back, but the days that hurt always came back and when they did they had the power to tear Thor's heart apart. Today was one of those days.

Thor had started his day like he would any other day: get up, get dressed and go into the dining hall to have breakfast with everyone. The smell of the food was in the air and Thor couldn't help but grin, after all today the sun was shining and everything seemed perfect.

Sitting down in his rightful place with his father to his right, Thor was all smiles as he reached for the bread basket and got himself a piece. The smile dropped as soon as he turned to his left to offer his brother some. The realisation that Loki was not there hit him hard.

Loki was not out on the training grounds, he was not in his chambers, he was not in the library. Loki was who knows where in that abyss. Thor silently passed the bread to his right, but the need to eat was no longer there and the day no longer filled his heart with joy.

Thor knew he was awful company that day, but he really did appreciate the Warriors Three and Sif trying to cheer him up, and he had voiced that more than once throughout the day. Their jokes, tales and offers to spar did little to help lift Thor's spirits though, and Thor had to excuse himself from their company earlier than he would have on any other day.

Sitting in his bed, Thor stared out into the night sky and let his mind drift. It always went to Loki, but this time it went to how they were when they were younger. Thor shut his eyes and let memories come and go, but he stopped on one. The first time Loki needed him in his teenage years.

* * *

_Thor knew Loki suffered from nightmares, but Loki would never tell Thor what went on in them, only that they were bad and evil and Loki was scared of them. The nightmares seemed to slowly die down and then stop completely after Loki turned ten, but Thor was always sure to keep his door unlocked just in case they returned. _

_Thor had spent the day with his father hunting and was proud to do it, after all Odin refused to let Thor go out into those parts until his 19th birthday. After he returned, he sparred with his friends until dinner, and after he had to study and then get ready for bed._

_Siting in his bed, Thor was sure that as soon as his head hit the pillow he'd be asleep, but he didn't even make it that far. Just as his head was about to touch the soft surface, Loki, who was 16 at the time, had barged into his room, hopped on to Thor's bed and began checking Thor for what Thor assumed were wounds._

_"Loki, what are you doing?"  
"You're hurt! I hurt you! Thor, I'm sorry!"_

_Thor stared at his brother for a long while, letting Loki check to make sure there were no wounds on his body until he spoke again._

_"It was a dream, brother," Thor cooed softly. He could tell his words did little to comfort his brother, "You had a nightmare that is all. You didn't harm me."_

_Loki shook his head, "Those stopped years ago, Thor ... Why are they back?"_

_Hearing Loki's voice shake and crack as he asked Thor a question he couldn't answer pained him. He was Loki's older brother, he was supposed to protect him. Shaking his head, Thor finally put his head on his pillow and pulled Loki to him. _

_Hugging and stroking Loki's back, Thor smiled and whispered into his ear.  
"Go back to sleep, brother. I will protect you from whatever is causing you troubles."_

_"You can't protect me from myself, Thor."_

* * *

Thor hadn't realized he was crying until he went to rub his face and his hand came back wet. He also didn't realize he had retrieved one of Loki's tunics from his secret spot until he stood and the fabric fell off his lap. Thor thanked his fast reaction skills as soon as he caught the tunic before it hit the ground.

Putting the tunic down on his bed, Thor went over to the window and stared out towards where the Bifrost once was.

"Brother, if you are here please make yourself known."  
"If you are using magic to hide yourself, please stop. I ..." Thor shut his mouth and eyes fast and shook his head.

Loki was dead and he was never coming back.

Opening his eyes again, Thor went back to his bed and got in, bringing Loki's tunic close to his chest. Only then did he let himself go. Thor cried into Loki's tunic until it hurt to cry, he whispered for his brother until the pain in his chest got too much and he told himself Loki was only in the library until the laughter that followed became unbearable.


	3. Chapter 2

Thor stared up at the ceiling without actually seeing it. He had been awake for some time now, but he didn't dare get up from his bed. Hugging Loki's tunic to him had helped ease the pain his heart was feeling and he knew removing the tunic would be like reopening his wounds. Right now Thor had neither the energy nor did he have the will to do that.

Thor's mind kept chanting "He's never coming back" over and over, hoping that the realisation would finally click, that he would finally be able to accept it, but he knew that no matter how many times he repeated those words his mind wouldn't let him believe them.

"He's not dead, he's coming back."  
The laughter answered, "You're not ready to believe that, Thor, it will break you."

Thor gripped the tunic tighter, "Break me? What do you think this is?"  
"This is nothing compared to what you will feel."

Thor shuddered and shook his head, making the voice disappear. It had made itself known after Loki's fall and Thor had no idea where it had come from, but oh, how he wished it would go away.

He continued to stay in his bed until the late morning and he would have stayed longer if not for the servant knocking at his door asking if he was alright, and to tell him that his father wished to speak with him. It took another five minutes for Thor to convince the young woman that he was in fact alright, and that he would be down to see his father shortly. Thor laid Loki's tunic lovingly under his pillow and dressed as quickly as he could, knowing that keeping his father waiting wasn't a smart thing to do. Heading towards the throne room Thor stopped in front of Loki's chamber doors and thought for a moment, before entering.

Shuddering, Thor stepped inside and closed the doors behind him, noting how even though the sun was shining in, the room still felt cold. Leaning down, he picked up an old tunic that he knew Loki had often worn to bed. The tunic had small rips and holes in it and the material was a worn dark green. He thought of the time their mother asked Loki if he wanted her to sew it, or to get him a new one. Loki had smiled and thanked her, but said the shirt suited him perfectly. Thor didn't know what Loki had meant at the time, and he felt his heart receive a painful tug as the words finally made sense to him.

Thor tore away a small piece of the tunic from the bottom and stuffed it into his pocket before setting the tunic back where he found it. Before leaving the room, Thor rested his forehead against the cold door and breathed in the smell of the room, glad that he could still smell his brother, however faint.

In the throne room, Thor and Odin spoke of many things. They spoke of hunting trips they would like to go on, of battles that were unavoidable, of feasts they would like to have and foods they would like to try. They both were worried about how the other was coping, but neither of them could voice their concerns ... Perhaps because they both knew what the other's response would be, and they knew that nothing they could say or do would help.

There is only so much you can do for someone, especially in a situation like this. And so, father and son spent their afternoon talking about nothing in particular, taking comfort in each other's company, but not once did they bring up Loki. Before leaving his father, Thor hugged him. Both of them understanding the unspoken concern and love for the other, despite their silence.


	4. Chapter 3

It had been months since Loki's fall and Thor's feelings had not changed. He still had good days, and he still had bad days. Now Thor suspected his friends were growing tired of the bad days since he could never seem to find them when he was having one. He had also heard a few of his "friends" whispering about how he should be over "it" by now.

Thor scoffed at the idea. Did they even know what "it" was? No. No, they didn't. Plus, did they think he was doing this on purpose? Thor sighed and leaned back against the bench he was sitting on. Knowing that they would never dare say such a thing to his face troubled him. They could talk behind his back, but not have the courage to say it to him? It was cowardly, and they were to be warriors one day. But it was wise, for if they had dared to speak their opinion to Thor, he would have surely introduced them to Mjölnir.

Thor looked at the flowers that were blooming. It had been weeks since he had ventured out into the garden, and he had forgotten how peaceful it was. He knew that the garden and the library are ... were two of Loki's favourite spots to sit and read. The bench Thor was sitting on was known as "Loki's bench," not only because it was where Loki would sit, but also because Loki had carved his name into one of the wooden planks when he was just a young boy.

Thor smiled as he took the bottom of his cape into his hand and stroked the small patch of green on the inside. Brushing his thumb over the green fabric, Thor thought about how many times he had poked himself with the needle while he sewed the patch on. He was good at wielding many weapons, but his big hands were no match for the small needle. Loki would have snickered or rolled his eyes at Thor, but his attempt was successful and that was all that mattered.

Thor wasn't sure where to place this day; was it good or bad? Did it matter? It was getting close to dinner-time and his mood kept going up and down. Right now it was what people would call a peaceful sadness or a reflecting sadness. Thor was reflecting on Loki, on everything that had happened; the good and the bad. While it made Thor sad, it also filled him with other emotions. Longing and pain, but also happiness. At least, a little bit of happiness.

He was happy he had known Loki; happy he got to watch Loki grow up. He was happy that they went camping and told stories together. He was happy that he had witnessed Loki's story-telling abilities. He was happy that he had known Loki, and that he had Loki as his brother. Thor went to wipe away the fresh tears that appeared, but lowered his hand before it touched them. Leaning over above the wonky carved "LOKI", Thor let his tears fall.

"It will be okay, Thor."

Thor jumped and whipped his head in all directions, ready to ask what Loki had meant. Except Loki wasn't there. No one was there, but Thor knew he had heard Loki's voice. He knew it, and hearing Loki tell him it would be okay made him think that maybe it would, and he let himself smile. Not a forced smile, not a sad smile, but an actual, genuine "I'm going to be okay" smile, and the flowers in all their bloom seemed to smile right back at him as he shut his eyes and let the sounds of the garden fill his head.


	5. Chapter 4

"Wake up."

"Wake. Up."

"WAKE UP!"

Thor screamed as he flipped over his writing desk.

"Nothing works!"  
"You are up."

Thor shook his head.

"No, I'm not! Loki isn't here! When I wake up, he will be, and everything will be okay again! My brother will be able to give me advice on all these issues and we'll go back to how we used to be! My mother won't be so sad and my father won't be so distant! I won't be broken and we'll all be okay! Everything will be okay if I could just wake UP!"

Thor punched the wall hoping the action would jolt him awake. In all of Thor's life he had never felt such a desperate rage clawing at his insides. It was consuming him; suffocating him, and Thor couldn't do anything about it but scream and will himself to wake up.

He didn't know how long he stood punching the wall, he didn't know when his knuckles had started to bleed, and he didn't know when he had fallen to his knees, but that was where he was now. Thor stayed on his knees with his fists to his sides, unable to move. He was drained. Shutting his eyes and reopening them, Thor sighed.

"I'm awake."

Thor, the mighty God, the God of Thunder, was brought to his knees by something so common. For anyone who doubted a God's ability to break, the proof was there, kneeling in debris and blood, muttering "I'm awake" over and over.

"Suffocating."

Thor's head shot up as he realized he was suffocating. Pulling himself up, Thor made his way towards the bedroom door. He couldn't suffocate! If he suffocated ...

"I'd die," Thor stopped in his tracks and looked at the door, "And if I die ... I'll be with Loki."

The logical side of Thor's brain kicked in with all the reasons he shouldn't and couldn't die. His people, his parents, his friends, his duty, his palace, his realm, his promises. Thor knew and understood every single thought his mind threw at him ... But it didn't matter right now. Right now all Thor wanted was to see Loki again, to have his baby brother call him an oaf or an idiot, to hit him and scream in his face ... Thor would take anything Loki could give him if it meant he could see him again.

"I'm awake," Thor shut his eyes and let he feelings take over, "I'm awake and I'm suffocating."

Thor felt the pressure on his chest tighten, his ability to breathe had become difficult, and the silence was deafening ... But he was alive. Thor opened his eyes and looked at the door again. Taking one step towards it, he stopped and shook his head. Thor walked over to his bed and got in. Staring at the ceiling, he waited for the feeling to engulf him and take his life.

The feeling came again and Thor waited for it to steal his breath. He waited hours for death, but he was still breathing. Thor knew he was alive in the literal sense, but he wondered if he was alive in every other sense. Shutting his eyes, Thor sighed and focused on the pressure in his chest.

"I'm awake."


	6. Chapter 5

A little know fact about Thor was the necklace he always wore. The necklace was a thin, gold chain with the translated word "Hope" attached to both ends. It wasn't as fancy as a lot of other jewels, but Thor loved it and had only removed it once. Loki had given Thor this necklace when they were in their teenage years, and when Thor first opened the box he knew this necklace was going to be one of his most prized possessions.

The one and only time Thor had taken the necklace off was to show Loki the word "hope" when he was feeling sad. Loki said that it helped and had thanked Thor after he put the necklace back around Thor's neck. That was a few weeks before Loki's fall, and Thor had promised himself he would never remove the necklace. It was the last thing Loki had done for him, and it was all he had left.

Thor stared down at the necklace in his lap and blinked a few times. The necklace had caught on something Thor still wasn't sure of, and had snapped. Thor knew the necklace wasn't irreparable, after all he was still able to wear it by attaching a different part of the chain, but Loki wasn't there to put the necklace around his neck anymore.

Thor swallowed and picked the necklace up.

"No."

Thor shook his head; this could not be happening. Thor stood up and looked around the hallway to see if anyone had witnessed the necklace snapping, but no one was around. Swallowing, Thor raced to his room and shut the door with a loud bang.

Locking his door and sitting on his bed, Thor shook his head again and frowned.

"I said I'd never take it off ..."

Thor knew that this wasn't his fault, but he still felt the pain.

"This was all I had left of you, Loki," Thor closed his palm and squeezed, feeling the lettering dig into his hand, "I'm so sorry I broke the necklace."

Thor opened his palm and looked at the necklace again. Grasping the clasp in his hand, he put the necklace back around his neck and opened the clasp, slipping another gold ring inside. Letting the necklace go, Thor felt something snap inside him.

He knew this cry was different from all the other times he had cried over Loki. This was hyperventilating sobs, and a feeling of abandonment Thor had never felt before. This was the realisation that Loki was really and truly gone. Thor curled up on his bed and sobbed into his pillows, often wondering if he'd pass out from his breathing. The apologies came out in whispers and the "it was all I had of you" came out in great sobs.

Thor cried himself to sleep that night, never stopping his pleas for his brother's forgiveness.


	7. Chapter 6

Thor never stopped to think of how the people around him was dealing with the loss of Loki. He knew that his parents were still in mourning, but he didn't know or think about the full extent. They had kept their grief a secret, much like he kept his a secret.

But he knew his mother, Frigga, didn't cry randomly anymore, and his father wasn't quick to silence anyone who uttered Loki's name. Thor had taken all of these signs as a positive thing, and had hoped they were moving on.

But you can't be secretive all the time, and eventually you will slip up.

* * *

Odin waited until the early morning to get up and venture into Loki's bedroom. Always sitting at Loki's desk, he would shut his eyes and whisper to the night.

"This is all my fault."  
"I should have said I loved you more. I should have acknowledged you and your talents."

Odin groaned. He knew how he looked, and he knew that he had failed Loki horribly. It was his fault his son was dead. People would argue that Loki made his own decisions, but Odin knew deep down that his decisions were motivated by Odin's actions, and the secrets he kept hidden away.

He knew that one of his sons was dead, and the other son was in horrible pain. A pain Odin could not take away, no matter how many healers he sent for.

"I'm so sorry, son." The words burnt Odin's lips like hot coals.

Odin knew he had destroyed his family. Thor wasn't himself, and Odin didn't think he'd ever be himself again. And, his love, Frigga ... He sighed and held the tears back.

Frigga was devastated.

He had watched her put a mask on every day when they went to eat. A mask to reassure Thor and everyone else she was alright, but after the meal, which she would hardly touch, she would go back into their chambers and sit by the window. She would stare out into the abyss, silently crying and sometimes mouthing things only she knew. It had torn Odin apart to see his wife like that. Everything was wearing Odin apart.

"Your mother misses you, son. So does your brother. ... So do I. We all miss you. Some days I'll wake and the first thing I'll think of is you," Odin wiped his eyes, "You died thinking I didn't love you."

Clearing his throat, Odin shook his head and straightened up from his defeated position.

"I loved you, adopted son or blood son, you were still my son."

Odin stood and went to the door. Looking back, Odin tried to will his son to appear before him, but nothing happened. Odin sighed and exited.

* * *

Thor blinked from his place behind the drapes. He had never seen that side of Odin, and he stared ahead as he realized both his father and mother were hurting.

"We're all mourning."

Thor looked out the window and into the abyss.

"We're all hurting for you, Loki."

Thor knew his brother would never hear his words, and even if he did, how much would it change things? What you do and say to someone after they're gone has no impact on that person, only you and your conscious. Thor knew that everyone loved Loki now that he was gone.

Leaving Loki's room and entering his own, Thor sat on his bed and felt the stabbing pain in his heart start up again.

"Please not tonight," Thor sighed, laying his head down onto the pillow, "I'm too tired to hurt tonight."


	8. Chapter 7

Thor noticed things had a way of always coming back. His pain for his brother would leave for a while, and he'd feel good. Good enough to train with the Warriors Three and Sif. He'd smile and laugh at stories again, he would tell stories of his own, and he'd feel like things were finally going places and that he'd be alright.

But what goes up, must come down, and Thor had noticed that pattern. Things would be going good, he'd have little moments where he longed for Loki, but over all the devastating pain was absent. Then it would come, and he'd be hurt once again, but this time it had the whisperings of "Why is he still upset?" ringing in his ear.

Thor knew what he was doing was foolish, and if anyone knew about it he'd be laughed at. But he needed answers. Will his mother be okay? Will his father be okay? Will he be okay? ... Because lately Thor didn't think he could make it. After all, what was Thor without Loki?

So here he was, off to another realm looking for three sisters who could see the past, present and future.

Walking along the Bifrost had hurt Thor greatly, and the spot where it all had happened, where Loki had let go ... That spot was burned into his mind, and he had stopped exactly where it took place. Staring down, Thor wished he could re-live that moment and make sure Loki didn't let go.

Thor was aware of Heimdall watching him, and he quickly resumed walking.

"It took less time than we had thought to fix this, right, Heimdall?"

Thor knew Heimdall wouldn't answer, but he had to say something and he had to sound cheerful. If Heimdall suspected something, he might not let Thor pass.

"I'd like to go to Sothkarna, please."  
"What do you want there?"  
"I have business there."  
"Is this about Loki?"  
"No."  
"Your brother was the God of lies, Thor, not you."

Thor was thankful Heimdall didn't wait for an answer before preparing.

Heimdall had promised Thor he would not breathe a word of this to Odin, and Thor was grateful for that - and for Heimdall's friendship.

* * *

Thor had never been to Sothkarna, but he had heard many stories; stories of sorcerers and great magic. He knew Sothkarna was more of a spell casting land rather than a fighting land, and the way the ground shone with purple lights had Thor believing every word of the stories he had heard.

Thor walked along a dirt path feeling oddly peaceful as he looked at the grass and flowers to his left and right. He had no idea if the house he searched for would be hidden or if it would be in plain sight. He didn't know if he would be welcomed or if he would be seen as a threat, so he kept his eyes open for anything and everything, awaiting the judgement of those who lived in Sothkarna.

"Who are you?"

Thor jumped and spun around, blinking as he came face to face with another man. An older man, with a long stick in his left hand and a pipe in his right.

"I am Thor, God of Thunder, and I ask the help of -"

Thor stopped as the man began to laugh.

"I know who you are! I was just jesting. Come."

Thor watched as a path to his right began to show as the man walked towards it.

"Excuse me, but how do you know who I am?"  
"Well, I am Vendich."  
"... Vendich?"  
"Never heard of me. That's quite alright. Vendich is what I go by today Perhaps you have heard of me under another name."  
"Another name?"  
"I have many."  
"Why?"  
"Why not?"

Thor felt like they had been walking for hours. Stopping and looking at Vendich, he became uneasy at the man's presence.

"Are you tired? I'd have thought a strong man like yourself would be able to walk for years without stopping."  
"I'm not tired ..."  
"Perfect! Then, let us go! We do not want to keep the sisters waiting."  
"You know the sisters?"

This time Vendich stopped and stared at Thor. Seeing the confused look on Vendich's face made Thor not want to speak anymore.

Laughing to himself, Vendich continued to walk with Thor, never taking his eyes off the path.

* * *

"Here we are!"  
"I don't see anything?"  
"Try harder."  
"I see ... trees."  
"Yes, but if you look past the trees you will see a small house, yes?"

Thor growled and turned towards Vendich, ready to tell him his help was appreciated, but he was the God of Thunder and did not deserve to be spoken down to, but Vendich was already gone.

"What an odd old man."

Thor took his time going up to the house. He had read a book on Midgard about children going up to a witches house and Thor knew that right now he was playing the part of Hansel. Standing in front of the house, Thor took a moment to survey his surroundings.

Trees, both alive and dead, littered every side of him. The ground had dead leaves all around with dirt underneath. The stone path to the house was cracked, and parts were missing. The house itself looked old, made of wood, it seemed, and the door was made of wood as well. There were holes in the sides of the house with rags over them - Thor assumed those were meant to be windows and drapes, and the porch was also made of wood.

Straightening up, Thor walked proudly to the front door and knocked loudly tree times, hoping the sisters within' the walls were kind. Thor watched as the front door slowly creaked open.

"Hello?"

Receiving no answer, Thor shifted and pushed the door open further, gasping at the inside of the house. It didn't mirror the outside at all. The floor had polished wood, the walls were wallpapered with lovely colours, the stairs had a marvelous twist to it with beautiful polished wood. The furniture seemed to be that of a royal family, and everything seemed to be very new.

"Hello?", Thor called as he took three steps inside the house.  
"Did you need something?"

Jumping, Thor turned and looked towards the sound that came from the shadows.

"I ... need to speak to the three sisters."  
"I know. I was just teasing you. We're all ready for you."  
"Vendich?"  
"Who? No ... I am Tethri."

Thor gasped as the figure stepped out of the shadows. Tethri was as the stories suggested. Tall, with beautiful black hair and blue eyes that would shame the waters.

"Follow me, we're all waiting for you."

Nodding, Thor followed Tethri down a hallway wallpapered with reds and golds, much like the rest of the house.

"You have a very nice house."  
"What you see is what you want to see. This house is different for everyone who enters."

Looking at the walls more carefully, Thor finally noticed the design of the wallpaper, and could only manage a small "oh" as the pattern of Loki's helmet formed.

Stepping into a separate room, Thor's eyes were drawn to a large cauldron in the middle of the room.

"Stay right here."

Nodding, Thor stopped walking and looked around, taking in the stone walls and floor. This room was not as fancy as the rest, and mostly had shelves filled with books and vials.

"This is Arasma, the Old."

Arasma nodded at Thor and smiled, showing him a set of black, pointed teeth.

"And this is Sillag, the Young."

Sillag nodded also, but Thor could not tell if she was smiling for her hair covered her face.

"And I am Tethri, the Middle."

Tethri gave a small bow and stood beside her two sisters. Each sister seemed to have a spot around the cauldron. Arasma was the west, Tethri was the north, and Sillag was the east, and Thor seemed to be far south.

"You wish to know about your brother?"

Thor nodded and shifted, feeling the embarrassment set in.

"What we tell you, you may not like. Are you sure you want us to look?"

Thor nodded again, refusing to back out.

"Very well."

Thor watched as the sisters began. Speaking in a language Thor couldn't understand, and moving their hands in a way he couldn't imitate, he watched the cauldron give a green glow, but he could not see what was inside. Each sister peered in one by one, each receiving the past, the present, and the future.

Sillag was the first to gasp and move her head back, followed by Tethri. Both sisters looked at Thor with a haunted look in their eyes. Shifting from one foot to the other, Thor began to feel very uncomfortable.

"Did you see something?"  
"Thor, you believe your brother to be dead, correct?"  
"Yes. I watched him fall."  
"Then he is dead. Mourn and move on, God of Thunder."  
"Is that all you see? Where is Loki's body? Will I be alright? Will my parents?"  
"You need to leave now, Thor."  
"What? But my questions have no ans-"  
"LEAVE NOW, GOD OF THUNDER."

Thor stared as the three sisters looked at him, their eyes glowing a dangerous red. Thor didn't thank them as he left their house.

Thor wasn't aware of where he was walking or what direction he was heading, but he kept walking anyway, never bothering to look back or up. The only time he raised his head was when the ground stopped being there and he almost fell off of a cliff. Looking around, Thor realized he had walked right back to where he arrived.

"How did I end up here?"  
"Fate. Or luck."

Thor groaned and turned to face Vendich.

"What is it you want this time?"  
"This time? In order for you to ask me what I want this time, there would have been a time before this, which there was not. So, what you mean to ask is what do I want. I do not want anything, Thor, only to live my life."  
"Do you always speak like this?"  
"Perhaps."  
"Do you ever give straight answers?"  
"Perhaps."

Thor sighed, giving up on his conversation with Vendich.

"Heimdall, I am ready to return!"

Thor looked at Vendich one last time before returning to Asgard, both annoyed and amused by the man. Raising his eyebrow, Thor thought he had seen Vendich's brown eyes flash green, and a trademark smirk flicker onto his thin lips.

* * *

"Did you get the answers you wished to receive?"  
"No, and I do not wish to speak of it. I will be in my chambers. Thank you, Heimdall."

Walking back to his chambers, Thor had gone over everything that had happened and grew more and more frustrated at the events. The flash of green in Vendich's eyes kept coming back to Thor, and no matter how many times Thor shook his head, it always returned.

"I am seeing Loki in everything."

Curling up on his bed, Thor shut his eyes and fell into a restless sleep.


	9. Chapter 8

Thor told no one about his encounter with the sisters, or of his encounter with the strange Vendich, and when Odin had asked where he went, Thor had lied.

He had been lying a lot recently, as if the spirit of Loki had seeped into his veins and stained his tongue silver. Heimdall might not have fallen for his tricks, but everyone else did, and that was fine by Thor. Let them believe his lies, it's not like they could do anything if they knew the truth anyway.

Thor sat in his chambers, a place he had spent most of his time these past months, and thought about how his days were all the same. Repeats of previous days, but with a different level of pain. It was strange. The more days that went by, the more the memory of Loki seemed to flicker and fade. It had almost seemed like Loki was never there in the first place. But Thor knew he had been, and he hated to think that his brother wasn't as important or wasn't as memorable as he once thought.

But Thor felt like he had become accustom to not having Loki around, and he had spent many nights telling himself that Loki wasn't that important to him, and that Loki was just another God.

The voice was always in his ear correcting him; making sure he couldn't hide from the truth.

"You may fool everyone else, God of Thunder, but you cannot fool yourself."

The voice rang clear in his mind, almost like it had been spoken out loud.

He didn't know what to do. He had tried telling himself things would change, and that they would get better, but he knew they wouldn't. His life as it was now would be how it was destine to be. Sure, the pain may get thrown back and he might not experience it as much, but it would always hurt, and it would always be there. And Loki ... Loki will never be there again, and Thor would have to live with that for eternity.

"Can you do that, Thor?"  
"Yes."  
"Are you sure?"  
"Yes."

Thor meant that, too. He knew he could stay alive without Loki because that is what happens. You lose someone, but you move on. But there is a difference between staying alive and living, and Thor didn't know if he could live without Loki by his side.


	10. Chapter 9

"I don't get it, Thor."  
"What is there to get?"  
"It's not like Loki was your real brother."

The storm had started that night. A storm no one had ever seen before. Lightning struck trees and homes, causing great destruction. The rain had flooded certain places and caused a great deal of damage to those homes as well. This storm was one that caused greats winds, loud thunder and horrible lightning.

No one could take Thor out of the mood he was in. The person who said that Loki wasn't Thor's real brother was now nothing but ash, and yet Thor still felt hurt. Is that what other people thought as well? That because Loki was adopted, he wasn't Thor's real brother? Is that how they looked at Loki? At Thor? Did they think that Thor's pain was unjust because he didn't share a blood bond with Loki?

So Thor let the storm come down. He would ignore his mother's cries for the rain to shop, he would ignore his father's pleas for the lightning to end. He ignored everyone who dared speak to him about the storm that was raging outside because it was nothing to the storm he was feeling inside. The pain of that sentence had hurt him so deeply that even if he wanted to stop the disaster, he doubted he could.

He had watched many trees fall, and he knew he should feel worried for his people, but he didn't. He couldn't. Every one of those people, his people, looked at Loki like a monster now, like a frost giant and not an Asgardian. They looked at him as just another monster, and they had forgotten that Loki was Thor's brother. Loki was Thor's brother no matter where he came from, and Thor would turn anyone who said differently into ash without batting an eyelash.

Did his people even deserve the storm to stop? Thor doubted it. But he was to be named the ruler of Asgard, and he had to do what was right. But right was subjective, was it not? What Loki did to Thor, that was right in Loki's eyes. And, what Thor did to the Bifrost, that was right in his eyes. Right was very subjective, and right now the storm, the rain, the lightning, and the destuction - that was all right in Thor's eyes.

"Loki may not have been my brother, but he was all that I had."

That was the last thing that Asgardian heard before lightning struck his body.


	11. Chapter 10

Thor frowned in confusion as he sat on Loki's bench. This wasn't how it was supposed to go. He was supposed to be getting better, to be healing and moving on, but instead he found himself seemingly back on square one.

"Why does this haunt me, brother? Why do I keep reminding myself that you are never coming home? I think of one thing and it leads me to something we used to do as children. I see your father and I hurt at that image. I will never get to see your face again, and I will never get to do the things we used to do."

Thor frowned and wondered how long his mind would keep jumping from remembering Loki's absence to forgetting about it; because that's what it was. It was not "getting over" the one who died, or really "moving on," it was just not thinking about them. Not thinking about the absence made the pain bearable.

Leaning his head back, Thor shut his eyes and wondered if there was a spell or potion he could drink or have cast upon him to make him forget about Loki.

"Is the pain so bad you would choose to forget about me, brother?"

Thor's eyes snapped open at the sound of the voice. Glancing around, his eyes came upon a silhouette of a man.

"Loki ...?"  
"I ... No, sir. I was sent down by your father. You had fallen asleep and it is to be a rather cold night."

Nodding and standing up, Thor walked back inside and went straight to his chambers.

"I had dreamt his voice. But it was so clear ... I felt him."

Shaking his head and resting it on the pillow, Thor began to drift off to sleep; forgetting his brother's absence one again.


	12. Chapter 11

"But ... how are you ... I saw you, you fell!"  
"I'm a trickster, remember?"

Loki smiled and sat beside Thor, resting his hand on a shaking shoulder.

"I missed you."  
"I know you did."

Thor stared at the hand on his shoulder and focused, making sure Loki's hand was actually there.

He didn't remember how he got to the bench, but he did remember sitting down and looking up, only to see Loki standing before him - a solemn look on his face. He had been shock to see his brother, and he could only manage a small "Loki?" before his mind started to spin.

"Why did you pretend to fall?"  
"To stop the fighting."  
"But ... Why did you not answer when I called?"  
"I couldn't."  
"None of that really matters now, does it?" Thor said, turning to Loki.

Standing, Thor took his brother's hand and smiled down at it. Loki had deceived to make the fighting stop; to ensure that the trickster, the God of Mischief, would no longer cause trouble. Loki had tricked everyone for a noble cause, and to Thor that was honourable.

"You cannot tell father I am alive, Thor."  
"What, why?! Everyone must know!"  
"No! If I'm found to be alive it would only cause chaos."  
"But ... Brother, I don't understand. Why come to me?"  
"I came because of your pain, Thor. Even I cannot stand to see you in such agony."

Nodding and turning to Loki, Thor opened his arms and brought his brother into them. Thor hugged his brother and watched as Loki turned to ash.

* * *

Thor groaned and shut his eyes tighter, the softness of his bed reminding him of where he was.

"He's gone."

Not daring to open his eyes, Thor sighed and shook his head. This wasn't the first dream he had had that went like this. Loki was alive, and it was all just a trick to fix things and then he'd be gone, or Thor would wake up.

And every time it hurt a little more. He had only told one other person about the dreams, and she had mentioned how it could be his way of coping with the loss of Loki, and his mind's way of missing him and wanting him back. The knowledge of what his dreams could mean only served to pain him more.

Thor felt sleep come over him once again, and he was thankful for it.

"He's not coming back."


	13. Chapter 12

Thor grinned as he watched his friends dance around Sif. Tonight they were holding a feast, and it was a time for celebration and love. The music was loud and the mead was plentiful, and Thor was all smiles.

Picking up his mug, Thor gulped the rest of his drink down and looked towards his father's throne. Odin had shown up to start the feast, but he quickly excused himself not long after and he had yet to return.

"Thor, join us!"

Turning towards his friends, Thor laughed and stood. It had been awhile since he last danced, and he had missed the joy it brought him. Taking Lady Sif's hand, Thor began to spin around the room and laugh as the music whirled by.

He hadn't been dancing long before he noticed the rush of guards head in the direction of the throne room. Excusing himself, Thor quickly followed, afraid of what was to be found on the other side of the doors.

"Don't go in there, Thor."

Shaking his head, Thor pushed the little voice out of his thoughts and walked into the throne room, feeling relief as his father came into view.

"Good, he's not hurt."  
"Leave now, feathers."

Thor blinked and stopped in his tracks. Feathers? That was a nickname Loki had given him when they were younger, and it hadn't been used for many, many years. Sighing and wondering why his mind was digging up the past, Thor rushed over to his father.

"Father, are you okay?"  
"I'm fine, Thor."  
"And the guards?"

"Father?"  
"We have found Loki."

They found Loki. They could put him on Skidbladnir, and he could have a proper funeral. Loki would be able to come home.

"Alive."

* * *

Thor didn't remember much after his father spoke those words. He remembered falling, but nothing made sense to him after that.


	14. Note from Author

Hey guys,

I'm writing this because a few people have asked me to write a sequel, or have asked me if I had plans to write one. I'm pleased that you like the story so much you want a sequel, but I wrote this story after my mom passed away to help me cope, and I feel adding a sequel would soil what I've written in the previous chapters, so I'm sorry, but I have no plans to write a sequel to this. I do have separate stories that are similar to what this sequel would be like, so perhaps you can find what you're looking for there, but for "Grief" it's a closed book. Thank you all for reading it and liking it - I really do appreciate it.

-X


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